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[hareass]

Re: Video Games on Away Ship

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sent at 8:28 PM (two minutes ago)
FROM	Kikuchihara Shirou <yournameistoolong@borderintranet.com>;
TO	Tachikawa Kei <tachikawa.kei@borderintranet.com>;
CC	Kohei Izumi <kohei.izumi@borderintranet.com>; Inukai Sumiharu <inukai.sumiharu@borderintranet.com>;
filetype.docx   filetype.mkv        If you idiots play video games on the away ship again, you'd better watch your stupid snack stash. All of it.
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Comments

[hareass]

can you go back in time and have all three of them be born less terminally stupid?

[1/2]

[soyabeans]

Unfortunately, they'd probably still end up with similar levels of intelligence.

[2/2]

[soyabeans]

However, you may inform Tachikawa that if he can't keep his own squad members in line, then he shouldn't expect any more rank battles in the future.

[THAT THREAT ALWAYS SEEMS TO WORK.]

[hareass]

[ DEEP SIGH... ]

wow, authorizing me to use that line. as expected of kazama-san, to bust out the big guns when it counts. though now ill have to deal with him making pouty noises at me for the next three days. im going to need to die out of sheer self-preservation, kazama-san.
you know, why can't people look at us and go 'man, that's kazama squad, i'd advise against angering them'. i think there's something about us that isn't intimidating enough.

[soyabeans]

I'm not particularly concerned with how intimidating we are or aren't. With that said, maybe your seeming lack of endurance is a part of it.

[hareass]

or maybe it's because your height turns every outing into a family picnic~

[soyabeans]

Kikuchihara, if you're attempting to provoke me, you can do better. This may also explain why no one feels especially compelled to listen to you.

[hareass]

that's dumb. why would i act this way if i actually wanted other people to listen to me?
but no seriously, if you were reiji-san's height and looked a little meaner, nobody would ever try to foist tachikawa squad on us ever again.
you have to work hard, kazama-san. do it for the team.

[soyabeans]

You're evidently fixated enough on others' opinions to want them to not want to anger you.

There isn't anything I can do about my height at this point, Kikuchihara. If you care that much, you'll have to come up with another solution.

[hareass]

i dont want them to not want to anger me, i dont want them to annoy me. because, news flash, its annoying. and being annoyed takes energy. why am i even explaining this to you??
i got it. we'll mount you on utagawa's shoulders. we cant do anything about your prepubescent face but i guess it cant be helped.

[soyabeans]

Kikuchihara, if all you intend to do is complain without taking any sort of meaningful action, I'm sure Utagawa or Mikami can hear you out. Unlike you, I actually have things to do, and this conversation is presently proving to be a waste of my time.

[hareass]

yeah you say that but your inner sense of duty forces you to text me back. and your head is visible above your paperwork for once, kazama-san, which means you're less busy than usual. amazing, i know.
also im finished my work so im bored.
i cant even take a nap with all of these idiots around, thats how desperate this situation is. please take pity on this soldier of yours, oh great leader who used to use the child fare on the bus.

[soyabeans]

This may not have occurred to you, but you are not forced to spend all of your time at HQ. If you've finished all of your work, then it's your own lapse in judgment that is making you stay here.

[hareass]

i dont see why i have to be the one to vacate my own squad room. if anything, those interlopers should leave and take their loud videogame somewhere else. preferably in the middle of the pacific ocean.
how do you keep yourself from wanting to kick their asses around the room, kazama-san. you have to have some kind of secret.

[soyabeans]

You need more training.

[hareass]

last i checked there's no virtual training regiment for wall-like stoicism.

[soyabeans]

Think outside the box.

[hareass]

kazama-san. no. you dont get to quote vague cliches at me. especially not to make me stop texting you.

[soyabeans]

It was worth a shot. Maybe when you're more experienced, you'll understand.

[hareass]

yeah? i will get that experience. im in your squad after all.

[soyabeans]

Oh? So our lack of intimidating status doesn't make you want to move to a new squad?

[hareass]

are you trying to tease me? that's almost as lame as me trying to provoke you. which i definitely did not try to do.

[soyabeans]

You're free to interpret it however you like.

[hareass]

[ yes that's the top of rabbit's head snickering across the room. a little snicker, buried in his arms. ]

uh huh. ill buy that.
also we just got invited to the arashiyama squad room because its empty. im ditching this cesspool. you wanna come?

[soyabeans]

I don't trust Tachikawa Squad to be alone in our operation room.