There's definitely a cave or two in the area. Once they start their descent, they might be able to hole up in one of them. For now, Sanji bounds across the sky for the distance and a much needed smoke.]
I just didn't want to get caught. They're freakishly strong, but their objective isn't to kill me. They're fodder while I challenge the masters for their secret recipes.
[Having said that, he does feel terror every time they come too close, simply because they have no concept of boundaries. With Mark here now, Sanji will have to take responsibility and be extra careful, so he jabs a finger in Mark's direction.]
I can't guarantee that they'll leave you alone, but the fights are mine, so don't go starting anything unless it's to defend yourself.
[ Sanji's stamina while smoking actually is kind of impressive. Mark's just gonna keep flying along beside him.
Fall behind a little as he tries to parse through Sanji's explanation, but he'll catch right back up to him, only to get a finger jabbed in his direction. He holds his own hands up, placating. ]
Trust me, as long as you're okay, fighting is the last thing I want to do here. I'll just fly away if any of them start getting close. [ He really does not need to cause Sanji more problems. ] That's kind of, um. What I wanted to talk to you about, before...
[ ...
takes a second, forces himself to brighten back up. smile a little. ]
But as long as you're not going to die then I can hold off, yeah, no problem. For... however long I end up here...
[ hm. It really is just dawning on him that he sure did make a choice, coming over without much in the way of actual information. ]
[His gaze lingers on Mark before he takes another, long drag on the cigarette. It won't be much longer now. They've crossed a decent distance with no obstacles in the sky, and there are plenty of pink canopies nearby below them.]
Don't worry. I'll make sure you're fed, and nothing's stopping you from visiting other islands.
[It's not a luxury Sanji has, but that's no reason to inconvenience Mark further for it.]
[ Yeah, it's nice and quiet up here. Mark's just trying to enjoy the view before he inevitably brings the mood down. He's never been somewhere this pink before; it's pretty when there aren't a bunch of strange men yelling at you or about you or whatever. ]
Oh. Well... that's good. [ He hadn't even thought about having to eat... Though if he had to get stuck with someone on an island Sanji actually probably is the first person he'd pick. ] Are the other islands deserted? It'd be nice to have somewhere to sleep without having to worry.
[ A beat, as something finally clicks. ]
Hey, where's your crew, anyway?
[ Is it really just Sanji out here... on his own... ]
[There are various buildings and structures throughout the island, but Sanji is keeping away from those for obvious reasons. He pulls the cigarette away to explain the probable nature of surrounding islands, only to pause when Mark brings up another reasonable question.]
Who knows? All of us are on other islands to get stronger. We're not due to meet up for another year.
[ Shooting him a baffled look. It's not entirely fair, because Mark is so overpowered to begin with that actually training hasn't occurred to him, but being separated? For a year? ... Probably longer than that, actually, taking into account how long Sanji might have been doing this before he showed up? ]
You couldn't, like... train together? Is... is that not a thing?
[It is a long time. A part of him has been dying to see everyone again. He hopes the ladies (and the guys—particularly that one—he supposes) are doing okay.]
We each have our own strengths. A swordsman doesn't need recipes, just as a navigator isn't required to learn martial techniques. Training together wouldn't be as beneficial. . . . Besides, we were already separated by the time the captain made his decision.
[The choice to be together was wrested from their hands. It leaves a bitter taste in his mouth, though not nearly as much as it did when it was fresh. He's working on it now; all of them are.]
[ The baffled look remains in place. The first half of what Sanji said, okay, sure, he can maybe see that. He doesn't totally get it, but everyone having their own specialty he can understand. But Sanji's captain deciding to keep everyone separated, and he doesn't seem too happy about it, and if he was in Sanji's shoes Mark doesn't think he would be, either.
His gaze softens, more concerned now. ]
... Have you been doing alright?
[ Two things hitting Mark at once: people other than him have problems (even people he cares about!), and if Sanji's the kind of guy who would kill to keep someone on his crew safe, then being separated from them for so long has to really, really suck. ]
[Honestly, no. No, he's been miserable, if mostly because the damn people of this island won't leave him alone unless he's in the sky, and even then that hasn't precluded them from shooting nets at him. Maybe it's a show of consideration from their end that nothing of the sort has happened yet with Mark here. As nice as that is, he shouldn't abuse Mark's presence too much . . .
Taking a final drag and then sighing, Sanji runs a hand through his tousled hair. Although it's a little longer than he usually keeps it, he doesn't hate the length. He should think about what to do the next time he chances upon a pair of scissors.]
This is the hell I signed up for. I just need to focus on getting stronger.
[And then everything will be fine. He'll make it so.
For now, he pulls out a small packet of sand he keeps on his person for these reprieves. He stubs the cigarette butt out in it, then proceeds to walk some more before looking down at a particularly dense canopy of tall trees.]
Here should do.
[He crosses one ankle over the other and promptly drops down, past the umbrella of pink leaves until he breaks the fall with a well-placed step above a girthy branch near the top.]
[ Sanji should absolutely abuse Mark's presence if it'll make him happier. Some good might as well come out of his rash decision to come over, right? He'd even insist on it if he knew.
But he doesn't know that much. He just watches Sanji, trying to gauge what he should do. Because training probably shouldn't be hell, he's pretty sure — but focusing on getting stronger, he gets. Way too much right about now, and it leaves him subdued, floating upright again as he watches Sanji put the cigarette out.
And then fall, much to his alarm.
Mark blinks, flabbergasted at the sudden drop before his brain kicks back into gear. He should help him. He should really, really go help him, as Mark drops down himself, speeding to catch up to Sanji—
Shooting right past him, because he can go way too fast, and also, Sanji is more than capable of catching himself—
Crashing right into the branch below, winding himself as he hugs it so he doesn't do anything else stupid. He hopes. ]
Just— [ Mark groans after a moment, rolling over so he can look up at Sanji. His mask is still clutched in one hand; at least he hasn't shattered the goggles. Yet, with his luck— ] Just a second, I'll. I'll be right up...
[Geez! Talk about an extreme trust fall. Good thing the branch is thick enough to withstand the force of Mark's crash at that speed. Hopefully the impact hasn't tipped anyone off. Interruptions won't help either of them, and now is better than later for a private conversation while the element of surprise is on their side.
Sanji lands on his feet with the grace of a cat and plop down onto the branch. His legs dangle in the air as he cranes his neck to look over his shoulder at Mark, for whom he waits to settle before posing the question that's been begging to be asked.]
So? What was that about fighting?
[They've nattered enough about him. It's Mark's turn now.]
[ He isn't even thinking of the possibility of having attracted anyone else — what are they going to do? They can just fly away again if anyone approaches — he's just getting his wind back. Relieved that he can withstand a fair bit of punishment.
Floating back on up to sit beside Sanji after another moment, feeling a whole lot less dignified now, but it's fine. Sanji isn't drawing attention to his folly, so neither will he. He joins him, aimlessly kicking his legs a little, hands beside him and resting atop the branch.
What was that about fighting, and Mark worries at his lip a little, looking away for a second. Back to Sanji.
Unfortunately he isn't going to get his wish quite yet, because Mark just opens up with, ] Sanji, have you ever killed someone?
[ Totally asking for a friend, right? And it's probably offensive on some level to ask his pirate friend that, he's realizing just now, but... there it is. Has Sanji ever killed someone, because Mark totally hasn't, noooo. ]
[What's offensive is pinning a crime he hasn't committed on him. Mark isn't doing that. While the question is unexpected, it's devoid of accusation that Sanji takes a brief moment to consider the answer he once gave Minami without a noticeable shift in his expression.]
Yeah, probably. [At the very least, he's left behind lasting damage.] Why do you ask?
[Mark seems restless. Has there been a death in his life . . . ?]
... I don't know how to deal with it. [ The words just come spilling out, voice strained. Mark turns to stare ahead of him, at nothing. ] I shouldn't be able to— I shouldn't. Kill people. I shouldn't want to, I shouldn't be capable of—
[ He whips his gaze to look back at Sanji, desperation in his eyes. Like he can fix this, somehow. If he can just tell Mark how to deal then it'll all go away, somehow. ]
I'm terrified. What if it happens again? How... How do you stop yourself from killing again? I can't— I can't be that person...
[It's like a dam has broken. Sanji's brow pinches at the look in Mark's eyes, furrowing in a mixture of shock and apprehension while the rest of his body arrests in place from the dawning realization of what the latter has done. Mark, want to take a life? The guy who couldn't stomach the deaths forced onto him by another party—with his own two hands?
Sanji lifts his head, straightening from his forward hunch to angle himself a little more toward Mark.]
Hey, slow down. [His voice is low, urging Mark to calm and stay present.] What happened? Start with that.
[ Maybe it is better that he's here, in person. Maybe it is better that he can ask Sanji these questions while sitting next to him instead of over the phone. Maybe it's a good thing he just jumped over here, even if rash decision-making hasn't done him any favours recently.
Slow down, and Mark shuts his eyes for a second. Takes a deep breath. Maybe that'll keep him from ending up back where he does not want to be. ]
There was this... guy. [ He really doesn't know how else to describe him. ] There was an accident that he blamed me for, so he wanted revenge. He threatened my mom. I didn't want to hurt him, I tried not to, but my mom... When I saw he hurt her, I just lost it.
[ ... ]
I didn't— I didn't need to go as far as I did. I'd made my point. But I wanted to, so I just kept going. Until I got it out of my system, I guess, except...
[ His grip on the branch tightens, fingers digging into wood, muscles reflexively tensed. His eyes search Sanji's, like he'll have the answer. ]
... I mean, I'd passed the point of no return by then. And I don't— There isn't any wish that can take that back.
[A coward went after someone who was uninvolved to carry out his vendetta, which may or may not be legitimate, and ended up paying for it with his life. Now Mark is here, because he's unable to deal with the repercussions on his own. Is that the gist of it?
What a mess.]
You got angry.
[Sanji meets Mark's desperate gaze with a solemn look. By that stage, it's less about making a point and more about protecting one's own. If the guy's dead, he'll never be able to threaten Mark's mother again. Moreover . . . everyone has a line. Once that's crossed, there's no forgiveness to be had; however, unlike Sanji, who's willing to cave in skulls to protect Nami and Robin, Mark is the type who values all life, so this must be tearing him apart.]
Listen, Mark. The wish was a one-time deal; there's no going back anymore. This is what happens when your emotions get the better of you.
[Even if there were a wish to rewind the clock, that doesn't mean it won't happen again. Sanji knows that Mark knows this, just as they both know what it's like to be swept up in the heat of the moment. But he's going to postpone that for a second to focus on something equally, if not more, important.]
He feels so far away from that now, meek and cowed. Like, Mark knew on some level that he could do a lot of damage, but it was one thing to know and another entirely to actually experience it. Remember that experience. Know that this is what will happen when he lets his emotions get the better of him, like Sanji said.
If his crew is training on different islands... maybe there could be one here he could be useful on, he doesn't know—
He snaps out of his own head at the question, desperate expression switching to something bewildered at first, and then relieved. His grip on the branch relaxes; he brings his hands up to rest in his lap. His shoulders slump. The weight on his chest alleviates. He smiles again, a small thing that could just as easily break, but it's something. ]
She's okay. Her arm got broken pretty bad, so she's in a cast, but... she's okay. She's really tough. And I think she was just happy that I was okay, so... we're okay. We're... going to be okay.
[ The first couple of times he said okay it was probably fine, but by the end of it it's more like he's trying to convince himself. Of course his mom is okay. Is Mark okay? He doesn't know, but maybe if he just says he is he will be — a tactic that has not worked for the past week or two, but maybe this time it will. ]
[Like mother, like son. They're convincing each other that it's okay, putting on a strong face for one another. That's what a loving family should do. It's sweet and says a lot about the kind of people they are.
Having said that, Sanji finds himself unconvinced as he continues to eye Mark. They'll be okay, but what about now? If he really were okay, Mark wouldn't be here. He's relieved, but this and that are separate; his mother is safe, yet a man is dead, and blood of that nature doesn't just wash off like the guts of a fish.]
Now that you know the feeling, don't forget it; otherwise, you might become that person again.
[Fear is a powerful motivator. There's nothing to be done about the past, but the future will languish if something doesn't change. For that to happen, the heart has to remember.]
[ He falls silent again, that hint of a smile evaporating. His mom is doing better, and that's good. Then there's still everything else that's a problem. That vice in his heart returns, brightness in his eyes dimming as his gaze flicks downwards. ]
I don't think I'll ever forget what that felt like. [ He's quiet; reflective; almost awed, in the way that one takes in the scene of the aftermath of a natural disaster. It's not a good thing, but the power behind it is something one has to respect, and he isn't there yet. ] I just remember how... easy it was, to get to that point. As soon as I stopped resisting it, it was like the most natural thing in the world, to be like that...
[ He meets Sanji's eyes again. ]
I really didn't know I had that in me. And now that I do know it's all I can think about. I mean, what happens the next time I get into a fight? Am I just going to go back there? Is this what life is now?
[ It's still so fresh; becoming that person again feels inevitable. ]
[Of course, it was natural. There's nothing unnatural about giving into one's own, unbridled heart whose sole desire is expression. It's only awareness that brings shame of one's conduct in the aftermath, because that's when the concept of right and wrong comes into play.
Still, what a nasty awakening. For someone as caring as he is, the depths of Mark's darker emotions must have come as a shock. Sanji's gaze darts aside in thought. Behind every light is darkness; between his father and now this, Mark seems destined to learn life's lessons the hardest ways imaginable.]
The way I see it, you have two choices. Be the person you are . . . or the person you're proud to be. [To live by instinct or by a code. It's easier said than done, and harder still to strike a balance.] I'm not saying that it'll be easy, but the only one who can make that decision is you.
[Sanji can listen. He can help, even; however, he can't dictate what Mark's life will be from this point onward. Such a power is beyond him. Ultimately, it's up to Mark where he goes.]
[ All he can do for a moment is exhale. Feel his breath leave his body; turn his head to see what Sanji might be looking at, even if it's just more pink canopy. It really is unlike anything he's seen before. It really is beautiful. He really probably could destroy it, if that's the person he actually is.
And it's not the person he wants to be. But to work his way back there... ]
... I think I have to figure out what that feels like again. To be proud. I want to, it's just... [ he runs a hand through his hair, turns back to him. ] It feels so far away now. So, yeah... it's not going to be easy. But I mean, as long as it's possible, right?
[ He kicks his legs through the air a little again, a childish little movement, but when he was a kid he didn't have to worry about this kind of stuff, so. ]
I mean... isn't that part of what you're doing here? I know you didn't make the choice, but training here. That's making you better, right? Proud?
[ It's a nice thought. Not like Mark is going to have a personal island to train on, but knowing something like this exists is kind of a spirit-booster in its own right. ]
[It's just more pink canopy. The petals fall endlessly onto the paved street below, their pigments bathed in the warm rays of the sun beyond the umbrella of trees upon trees. This is an island that reflects the maidenly hearts of its denizens—the same raucous masters from whom Sanji's been learning for the past year.]
Right.
[He refocuses on Mark, glimpsing the small kicks in his periphery. They're a good sign, better than frantic restlessness or miserable stillness.]
I wasn't strong enough. That's why I struck a deal with this island's sovereign. The deadline is two years . . . By then, I'll be a better cook for the captain and the crew.
[He'd been so confident in his abilities, only to be torn down by the reality of his failures. But he refuses to be defined by that, not when he has others counting on him—and it's the same for Mark, who has his mother and his friends.
A stray petal falls on his shoulder. Sanji brushes it off with the sweep of a hand, casting his gaze toward the ground. None of this is new to him, so the reason he brings any of it up is to make a point.]
What I'm saying is that it's possible; however, only you can determine what pride feels like.
[ It's a warm, soft-feeling island. Mark likes it. It's completely antithetical to where he's been, what he's done recently, so it's actually really, really nice to be here, even if he's only here because Sanji can't be with his friends. Maybe this is the island he'll stay on for as long as he's stuck here, just... out of Sanji's way as much as possible, so he doesn't interfere with his training. (Out of everyone's way, so he doesn't have to deal with strangers probably cat calling him while he's at it.)
He watches that petal make its slow, fluttering journey to the ground, brows furrowed. ]
Two years...
[ That's about as long as Mark has had powers, and it feels like a couple of lifetimes have passed already. Even if Sanji has fewer than two years to go at this point, that's still such a long time. Enough to feel almost insurmountable. Two years ago, he couldn't have predicted he'd be where he is now — where is he going to be in two years' time?
He falls silent for a moment longer. ]
I don't think I'm in a place where I can determine that. It feels like it'd be irresponsible of me? [ Looking up now, at all of the pink above them. Soft, and peaceful, and nothing like him, apparently. ] I mean, after what I've done...
[ He isn't a good person. He sighs. ]
I think I'm more like you. [ Which is a hell of a thing to say considering his current self-loathing exercise, but his voice is soft. It's just a statement, free of judgment. ] I can't control myself, so I'm not strong enough either. So I'll have to find some way to get there, like you are here. Only not here, obviously, but... I don't know. There has to be something I can do...
[Mark might not be the person he'd thought himself to be, but that's as good of an answer as any. At the end of the day, a man must take responsibility for his actions above all else. That, Sanji thinks, is the mark of a truly admirable person with a good heart.
What's more jarring, on the other hand, is the likeness Mark claims between them. Sanji stares at him before huffing and turning away to study the tranquil landscape around them, senses on high alert for potential eavesdroppers.]
If it's restraint, you're not going to learn it here. You've got time, so why don't you check out the other islands? I'd steer clear of the marines if I were you, though. There's no telling who knows about us, and I'm not on good standing with the World Government.
[The last thing he wants is to pass off his notoriety onto Mark, who's going through it already. He doesn't personally mind the company, but having Mark hide out all the time will do neither of them favors. Even though it's far from home, this is a crucial period for the latter. Not to mention the lack of stability in terms of lodging here . . .
Sanji blinks, then draws a leg up to plant a foot against the branch and hang an arm over a knee.]
If you need a room for the night, you can use mine at the restaurant.
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no subject
There's definitely a cave or two in the area. Once they start their descent, they might be able to hole up in one of them. For now, Sanji bounds across the sky for the distance and a much needed smoke.]
I just didn't want to get caught. They're freakishly strong, but their objective isn't to kill me. They're fodder while I challenge the masters for their secret recipes.
[Having said that, he does feel terror every time they come too close, simply because they have no concept of boundaries. With Mark here now, Sanji will have to take responsibility and be extra careful, so he jabs a finger in Mark's direction.]
I can't guarantee that they'll leave you alone, but the fights are mine, so don't go starting anything unless it's to defend yourself.
no subject
Fall behind a little as he tries to parse through Sanji's explanation, but he'll catch right back up to him, only to get a finger jabbed in his direction. He holds his own hands up, placating. ]
Trust me, as long as you're okay, fighting is the last thing I want to do here. I'll just fly away if any of them start getting close. [ He really does not need to cause Sanji more problems. ] That's kind of, um. What I wanted to talk to you about, before...
[ ...
takes a second, forces himself to brighten back up. smile a little. ]
But as long as you're not going to die then I can hold off, yeah, no problem. For... however long I end up here...
[ hm. It really is just dawning on him that he sure did make a choice, coming over without much in the way of actual information. ]
no subject
Don't worry. I'll make sure you're fed, and nothing's stopping you from visiting other islands.
[It's not a luxury Sanji has, but that's no reason to inconvenience Mark further for it.]
no subject
Oh. Well... that's good. [ He hadn't even thought about having to eat... Though if he had to get stuck with someone on an island Sanji actually probably is the first person he'd pick. ] Are the other islands deserted? It'd be nice to have somewhere to sleep without having to worry.
[ A beat, as something finally clicks. ]
Hey, where's your crew, anyway?
[ Is it really just Sanji out here... on his own... ]
no subject
Who knows? All of us are on other islands to get stronger. We're not due to meet up for another year.
no subject
[ Shooting him a baffled look. It's not entirely fair, because Mark is so overpowered to begin with that actually training hasn't occurred to him, but being separated? For a year? ... Probably longer than that, actually, taking into account how long Sanji might have been doing this before he showed up? ]
You couldn't, like... train together? Is... is that not a thing?
[ And a year feels like such a long time... ]
no subject
We each have our own strengths. A swordsman doesn't need recipes, just as a navigator isn't required to learn martial techniques. Training together wouldn't be as beneficial. . . . Besides, we were already separated by the time the captain made his decision.
[The choice to be together was wrested from their hands. It leaves a bitter taste in his mouth, though not nearly as much as it did when it was fresh. He's working on it now; all of them are.]
no subject
[ The baffled look remains in place. The first half of what Sanji said, okay, sure, he can maybe see that. He doesn't totally get it, but everyone having their own specialty he can understand. But Sanji's captain deciding to keep everyone separated, and he doesn't seem too happy about it, and if he was in Sanji's shoes Mark doesn't think he would be, either.
His gaze softens, more concerned now. ]
... Have you been doing alright?
[ Two things hitting Mark at once: people other than him have problems (even people he cares about!), and if Sanji's the kind of guy who would kill to keep someone on his crew safe, then being separated from them for so long has to really, really suck. ]
no subject
Taking a final drag and then sighing, Sanji runs a hand through his tousled hair. Although it's a little longer than he usually keeps it, he doesn't hate the length. He should think about what to do the next time he chances upon a pair of scissors.]
This is the hell I signed up for. I just need to focus on getting stronger.
[And then everything will be fine. He'll make it so.
For now, he pulls out a small packet of sand he keeps on his person for these reprieves. He stubs the cigarette butt out in it, then proceeds to walk some more before looking down at a particularly dense canopy of tall trees.]
Here should do.
[He crosses one ankle over the other and promptly drops down, past the umbrella of pink leaves until he breaks the fall with a well-placed step above a girthy branch near the top.]
no subject
But he doesn't know that much. He just watches Sanji, trying to gauge what he should do. Because training probably shouldn't be hell, he's pretty sure — but focusing on getting stronger, he gets. Way too much right about now, and it leaves him subdued, floating upright again as he watches Sanji put the cigarette out.
And then fall, much to his alarm.
Mark blinks, flabbergasted at the sudden drop before his brain kicks back into gear. He should help him. He should really, really go help him, as Mark drops down himself, speeding to catch up to Sanji—
Shooting right past him, because he can go way too fast, and also, Sanji is more than capable of catching himself—
Crashing right into the branch below, winding himself as he hugs it so he doesn't do anything else stupid. He hopes. ]
Just— [ Mark groans after a moment, rolling over so he can look up at Sanji. His mask is still clutched in one hand; at least he hasn't shattered the goggles. Yet, with his luck— ] Just a second, I'll. I'll be right up...
Wasn't expecting that...
no subject
Sanji lands on his feet with the grace of a cat and plop down onto the branch. His legs dangle in the air as he cranes his neck to look over his shoulder at Mark, for whom he waits to settle before posing the question that's been begging to be asked.]
So? What was that about fighting?
[They've nattered enough about him. It's Mark's turn now.]
no subject
Floating back on up to sit beside Sanji after another moment, feeling a whole lot less dignified now, but it's fine. Sanji isn't drawing attention to his folly, so neither will he. He joins him, aimlessly kicking his legs a little, hands beside him and resting atop the branch.
What was that about fighting, and Mark worries at his lip a little, looking away for a second. Back to Sanji.
Unfortunately he isn't going to get his wish quite yet, because Mark just opens up with, ] Sanji, have you ever killed someone?
[ Totally asking for a friend, right? And it's probably offensive on some level to ask his pirate friend that, he's realizing just now, but... there it is. Has Sanji ever killed someone, because Mark totally hasn't, noooo. ]
no subject
Yeah, probably. [At the very least, he's left behind lasting damage.] Why do you ask?
[Mark seems restless. Has there been a death in his life . . . ?]
no subject
[ He whips his gaze to look back at Sanji, desperation in his eyes. Like he can fix this, somehow. If he can just tell Mark how to deal then it'll all go away, somehow. ]
I'm terrified. What if it happens again? How... How do you stop yourself from killing again? I can't— I can't be that person...
no subject
Sanji lifts his head, straightening from his forward hunch to angle himself a little more toward Mark.]
Hey, slow down. [His voice is low, urging Mark to calm and stay present.] What happened? Start with that.
no subject
Slow down, and Mark shuts his eyes for a second. Takes a deep breath. Maybe that'll keep him from ending up back where he does not want to be. ]
There was this... guy. [ He really doesn't know how else to describe him. ] There was an accident that he blamed me for, so he wanted revenge. He threatened my mom. I didn't want to hurt him, I tried not to, but my mom... When I saw he hurt her, I just lost it.
[ ... ]
I didn't— I didn't need to go as far as I did. I'd made my point. But I wanted to, so I just kept going. Until I got it out of my system, I guess, except...
[ His grip on the branch tightens, fingers digging into wood, muscles reflexively tensed. His eyes search Sanji's, like he'll have the answer. ]
... I mean, I'd passed the point of no return by then. And I don't— There isn't any wish that can take that back.
no subject
What a mess.]
You got angry.
[Sanji meets Mark's desperate gaze with a solemn look. By that stage, it's less about making a point and more about protecting one's own. If the guy's dead, he'll never be able to threaten Mark's mother again. Moreover . . . everyone has a line. Once that's crossed, there's no forgiveness to be had; however, unlike Sanji, who's willing to cave in skulls to protect Nami and Robin, Mark is the type who values all life, so this must be tearing him apart.]
Listen, Mark. The wish was a one-time deal; there's no going back anymore. This is what happens when your emotions get the better of you.
[Even if there were a wish to rewind the clock, that doesn't mean it won't happen again. Sanji knows that Mark knows this, just as they both know what it's like to be swept up in the heat of the moment. But he's going to postpone that for a second to focus on something equally, if not more, important.]
How's your mom?
no subject
He feels so far away from that now, meek and cowed. Like, Mark knew on some level that he could do a lot of damage, but it was one thing to know and another entirely to actually experience it. Remember that experience. Know that this is what will happen when he lets his emotions get the better of him, like Sanji said.
If his crew is training on different islands... maybe there could be one here he could be useful on, he doesn't know—
He snaps out of his own head at the question, desperate expression switching to something bewildered at first, and then relieved. His grip on the branch relaxes; he brings his hands up to rest in his lap. His shoulders slump. The weight on his chest alleviates. He smiles again, a small thing that could just as easily break, but it's something. ]
She's okay. Her arm got broken pretty bad, so she's in a cast, but... she's okay. She's really tough. And I think she was just happy that I was okay, so... we're okay. We're... going to be okay.
[ The first couple of times he said okay it was probably fine, but by the end of it it's more like he's trying to convince himself. Of course his mom is okay. Is Mark okay? He doesn't know, but maybe if he just says he is he will be — a tactic that has not worked for the past week or two, but maybe this time it will. ]
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[Like mother, like son. They're convincing each other that it's okay, putting on a strong face for one another. That's what a loving family should do. It's sweet and says a lot about the kind of people they are.
Having said that, Sanji finds himself unconvinced as he continues to eye Mark. They'll be okay, but what about now? If he really were okay, Mark wouldn't be here. He's relieved, but this and that are separate; his mother is safe, yet a man is dead, and blood of that nature doesn't just wash off like the guts of a fish.]
Now that you know the feeling, don't forget it; otherwise, you might become that person again.
[Fear is a powerful motivator. There's nothing to be done about the past, but the future will languish if something doesn't change. For that to happen, the heart has to remember.]
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I don't think I'll ever forget what that felt like. [ He's quiet; reflective; almost awed, in the way that one takes in the scene of the aftermath of a natural disaster. It's not a good thing, but the power behind it is something one has to respect, and he isn't there yet. ] I just remember how... easy it was, to get to that point. As soon as I stopped resisting it, it was like the most natural thing in the world, to be like that...
[ He meets Sanji's eyes again. ]
I really didn't know I had that in me. And now that I do know it's all I can think about. I mean, what happens the next time I get into a fight? Am I just going to go back there? Is this what life is now?
[ It's still so fresh; becoming that person again feels inevitable. ]
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Still, what a nasty awakening. For someone as caring as he is, the depths of Mark's darker emotions must have come as a shock. Sanji's gaze darts aside in thought. Behind every light is darkness; between his father and now this, Mark seems destined to learn life's lessons the hardest ways imaginable.]
The way I see it, you have two choices. Be the person you are . . . or the person you're proud to be. [To live by instinct or by a code. It's easier said than done, and harder still to strike a balance.] I'm not saying that it'll be easy, but the only one who can make that decision is you.
[Sanji can listen. He can help, even; however, he can't dictate what Mark's life will be from this point onward. Such a power is beyond him. Ultimately, it's up to Mark where he goes.]
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And it's not the person he wants to be. But to work his way back there... ]
... I think I have to figure out what that feels like again. To be proud. I want to, it's just... [ he runs a hand through his hair, turns back to him. ] It feels so far away now. So, yeah... it's not going to be easy. But I mean, as long as it's possible, right?
[ He kicks his legs through the air a little again, a childish little movement, but when he was a kid he didn't have to worry about this kind of stuff, so. ]
I mean... isn't that part of what you're doing here? I know you didn't make the choice, but training here. That's making you better, right? Proud?
[ It's a nice thought. Not like Mark is going to have a personal island to train on, but knowing something like this exists is kind of a spirit-booster in its own right. ]
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Right.
[He refocuses on Mark, glimpsing the small kicks in his periphery. They're a good sign, better than frantic restlessness or miserable stillness.]
I wasn't strong enough. That's why I struck a deal with this island's sovereign. The deadline is two years . . . By then, I'll be a better cook for the captain and the crew.
[He'd been so confident in his abilities, only to be torn down by the reality of his failures. But he refuses to be defined by that, not when he has others counting on him—and it's the same for Mark, who has his mother and his friends.
A stray petal falls on his shoulder. Sanji brushes it off with the sweep of a hand, casting his gaze toward the ground. None of this is new to him, so the reason he brings any of it up is to make a point.]
What I'm saying is that it's possible; however, only you can determine what pride feels like.
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He watches that petal make its slow, fluttering journey to the ground, brows furrowed. ]
Two years...
[ That's about as long as Mark has had powers, and it feels like a couple of lifetimes have passed already. Even if Sanji has fewer than two years to go at this point, that's still such a long time. Enough to feel almost insurmountable. Two years ago, he couldn't have predicted he'd be where he is now — where is he going to be in two years' time?
He falls silent for a moment longer. ]
I don't think I'm in a place where I can determine that. It feels like it'd be irresponsible of me? [ Looking up now, at all of the pink above them. Soft, and peaceful, and nothing like him, apparently. ] I mean, after what I've done...
[ He isn't a good person. He sighs. ]
I think I'm more like you. [ Which is a hell of a thing to say considering his current self-loathing exercise, but his voice is soft. It's just a statement, free of judgment. ] I can't control myself, so I'm not strong enough either. So I'll have to find some way to get there, like you are here. Only not here, obviously, but... I don't know. There has to be something I can do...
[ He's fucked if there isn't, he's pretty sure. ]
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What's more jarring, on the other hand, is the likeness Mark claims between them. Sanji stares at him before huffing and turning away to study the tranquil landscape around them, senses on high alert for potential eavesdroppers.]
If it's restraint, you're not going to learn it here. You've got time, so why don't you check out the other islands? I'd steer clear of the marines if I were you, though. There's no telling who knows about us, and I'm not on good standing with the World Government.
[The last thing he wants is to pass off his notoriety onto Mark, who's going through it already. He doesn't personally mind the company, but having Mark hide out all the time will do neither of them favors. Even though it's far from home, this is a crucial period for the latter. Not to mention the lack of stability in terms of lodging here . . .
Sanji blinks, then draws a leg up to plant a foot against the branch and hang an arm over a knee.]
If you need a room for the night, you can use mine at the restaurant.
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